There are many things in life we can not control. A major uncontrollable part of life is the process of falling in love. Usually we don’t have too much of a say in it. That being said, the ideal set up for most is being able to spend every waking second possible with the person who has your heart. What happens when you fall in love with someone who lives nowhere near your zip code? What happens when your partner has to move away for work or school? What happens when there is a war and the love of your life is deployed? Long distance relationships are what happen, and this is where things have the potential to get a little tricky.

Long distance relationships, also known as LDR’s, are something man kind has had to deal with for centuries. So many things can cause a couple to separate; war, famine, American Idol audtions. There are many things couples must consider before they embark on an LDR. One of the first things to determine is if both parties are capable and willing to handle the demands of a LDR. Though they can be quite similar to traditional relationships, it is a little more difficult to remain emotionally connected when you do not have the option of connecting physically and sharing everyday experiences. If one of you is unsure about whether the LDR is for you give it a probationary period. It really is not for the lazy or the faint of heart.

Understanding the pros and cons of an LDR is also a great step to determining if that is the right option for you and your love.

Some pros of the successful LDR are:

• An enhanced emotional connection. Distance requires a huge level of commitment to get to know someone on a deeper level. This should have a positive impact on the physical interaction when you are able to see each other.
• Space to spend time with your friends and family. It can difficult trying to juggle your weekend with everyone you care about when you are in a relationship. An LDR allows you to have the emotional support from your partner and still develop and maintain your other relationships.
• Having someone to look forward to seeing. Knowing that your time physically together is not as frequent should make you more appreciative of the opportunity to gaze into your partners eyes. Really relishing the moment is truly the most important thing.
• Being able to focus on your career. If you are wise you will use your time apart wisely and take classes to build your skill set, take on extra projects at work (make sure your supervisor is aware of your extra efforts), and volunteer to head social committees at work. I mean after all, it is not like you have to run home to your significant other.

• Feeling lonely. There may be times when loneliness hits or you are alone at an event and you just wish you weren’t so far from your partner.
• Limited physical intimacy. It is really hard to go without hugs, kisses, and all of that oh so good non verbal communication.
• Financially draining. If you are speaking on the phone constantly and traveling to see one another, costs can definitely add up.
• Emotionally demanding. There is a lot more pressure to be emotionally open and giving in an LDR to make up for the lack of physical intimacy.

Couples involved in a long distance relationship should discuss their expectations. It may even be a good idea to write everything out so thoughts are organized and can be referred to later. Though this may be a bit of a romance buzz kill, it can be extremely helpful for making sure everyone’s needs are addressed and met. Some questions to consider may be how often do you expect to speak to each other? See each other? Are you mutually exclusive? Make sure you take your time and really give the situation as much thought as possible. It is also a lot easier to maintain an LDR when you are open and have a certain amount of flexibility. Things change and though you want to make sure you and your partner are happy, you must be willing to make alterations accordingly. Couples should also discuss how often they are going to check on the status of the relationship. For example, a couple may agree to examine their relationship every two months to see if any changes can be made to improve the interaction.

When a couple commits to going the distance they must do exactly that. Love, trust, and extremely effective communication are key ingredients to a successful long distance relationship. Fortunately couples required to span distances have an array of communication options at their fingertips. Couples can email, text, call, instant message, and even have online chat rooms. How did these relationships survive before the telephone? Some specific ways to maintain your long distance relationship are:

• Daily email. A sweet one line note is a perfect start to anyone’s day.
• Checking in at least once a day. If you could have a clear understanding of your partner’s schedule, you will feel more involved in their lives. You will also establish some sort of communication pattern. Very important so you feel connected.
• Mail…the old kind. There is nothing better than opening the mail box and receiving something other than a bill. A sexy card, or 4 page letter are great tangible expressions of your feelings.
• Surprise gifts. Definitely find out all things that make your mate happy. For example, take note of favorite candy, flowers, author, etc. This information will ensure that you are never at a loss when you send unexpected tokens of your love.
• Surprise visits. Just make sure that they do not have any other plans.
• Planned visits. Get a calendar and attempt to plan visits 3 months out. This way travel plans can be solidified and provide something to look forward to.

Most things in life worth having will require work and sacrifice. When you meet that person that makes your heart stop, leaves you breathless, and makes you want to be the best person you can possibly be distance should not be the deal breaker. With as many emotional and communication resources as you can muster, some frequent flyer miles, and a potential date when you can be together indefinitely a long distance relationship can be an incredible experience. Just don’t ever forget to write.